When R Is Sticky: A Compassionate Reality Check

This morning I was thinking about my S.T.O.R.Y. framework, and I found myself getting a little stuck on R — Reality Check.

In theory, this step seems simple. We pause and ask ourselves what is actually true. We try to separate the story our brain is telling from the facts in front of us.

But the truth is…sometimes we are not ready for that reality check.

Sometimes the reality check feels like too much. Sometimes our feelings are real and legitimate, and a quick “reality check” can feel like it dismisses those emotions. And sometimes the stories we tell ourselves contain some truth, which makes untangling them even more complicated.

That’s when I was reminded of something important.

It all starts with compassion.

If you get to R on the first pass—or the second or even the tenth—and you find yourself stuck, that’s okay.

Instead of forcing it, go back to the beginning.

Return to S — Slow.

Slow down. Take a breath. Reconnect with yourself.

You don’t even have to retell the story again, so you can gently pass by T.

Instead, spend some time with O — Observe.

Observe what you’re feeling without judgment and analysis. Just notice what is happening in your body.

Then borrow a step from S.L.O.W.E.R. and ask yourself:

What do I need right now?

Sometimes the answer is surprisingly simple.

For me, when I find myself stuck in this place, I will often put my hand on my heart and take a few slow breaths into that space. I realize that might sound a little woo-woo to some people—and that’s okay.

The real point isn’t the gesture.

The real point is slowing down.

When we slow the train of thoughts in our mind, our bodies finally have a chance to catch up. And when our bodies catch up, we gain a little bit of distance from the struggle.

That distance gives us something powerful: the ability to care for ourselves.

So if R feels sticky, don’t force it.

Lean on the other letters for a while.

Slow down. Observe. Ask what you need.

And when it finally feels right, come back to R and try again.