Interrupting the Story

In my last post I wrote about something I call loop thinking.

That place where something happens during the day and our mind grabs onto it and simply won’t let go. We replay the situation, analyze what was said, predict what might happen next, and somehow find ourselves right back where we started.

Our brains are incredibly good at trying to make sense of discomfort. When something doesn’t feel right, the mind starts building a story to explain it.

Sometimes the story sounds like:

I shouldn’t have said that.They must be upset with me.I always mess things up.

Before long, the story begins to feel like truth, even though it is often just our mind trying to fill in the blanks.

I developed the S.T.O.R.Y. framework because I noticed how often I was getting caught in these narratives myself. I would feel something uncomfortable and immediately my brain would start constructing meaning around it. Often those meanings were not particularly kind or helpful.

The problem isn’t that our brains tell stories. That’s actually what they are designed to do. The problem is that when we are dysregulated or stressed, the stories we create tend to make things worse rather than better.

This is where S.T.O.R.Y. comes in.

In my coaching work, S.L.O.W.E.R. is the first step. S.L.O.W.E.R. helps settle the nervous system. When the body begins to calm down, we have a much better chance of seeing what is actually happening.

Once the body is a little more settled, we can begin to look at the story our mind is creating.

That’s where S.T.O.R.Y. comes in.

S — Slow the momentPause for a second. Take a breath. Give yourself a little space before believing everything your mind is saying.

T — Tell the storyWhat is the story your mind is telling you right now? Naming the story often creates a little distance from it.

O — Observe the impactHow does that story make you feel? What does it make you want to do?

R — Reality checkWhat do you actually know to be true? What might you be assuming?

Y — Your responseNow that you have slowed down and examined the story, how do you want to respond?

The goal of this framework is not to eliminate difficult thoughts or feelings. We are human, and those will always exist. The goal is simply to help us notice the story sooner and create enough space to respond with a little more awareness and intention.

In other words, we slow the body, we examine the story, and we begin to remember that we have more choice than we might think.